Barbies, Body Image, and The Pursuit of Happiness

“What if I just quit all of social media and got a regular job”

There have been many days where I long for the predictability of a 9-5 job, like I used to have—the one I quit because 'it was boring' and I felt 'unfulfilled.' Now that I have been running my own business for the last 3 years, I can safely say I do not want either of those. I want to have a large garden, chickens, take long walks, and talk to cats.

Showing up on social media is part of my job because I teach online. It has been a way for me to connect with current and future clients and stay in touch with folks I’ve worked with in the past. I have always loved occupying these little corners of the internet, so much so that I sometimes forget that my mere existence is enough to elicit hateful responses when my content extends outside of its normal reach. That is what I have been experiencing the last couple of weeks.

Calling Myself “Fit”

I forget that it is controversial for me, a fat fitness instructor, to say that I am 'fit.' I know that is because if people who did not fall into the narrow definition of what 'fit' looks like could be fit, it would destroy the social hierarchies of bodies that we use to judge people’s worthiness. If being fat was considered equivalent to being thin, then thin people wouldn’t get to feel superior. Because under a system of white supremacy, we are all trying to claw our way closer to the 'ideal' body for the added benefits, some perceived and some very, very real.

So seeing someone like me—Black, fat, and a woman—saying... really anything, is offensive to some people. And they LOVE to let me know about it. They let me know in comments, in direct messages, in re-shares of my content, attempting to tear me down based on my body, even under PAID brand collaborations (thanks for the engagement, babes ❤️). And while I know these people are not MY people, it is an interesting combination of hurtful and fascinating that they choose to spend their time being mean to people they don’t know and will never know.

These are the things that make me ask Scott, 'What if I just quit all of social media and go back to a job?' He is always supportive, so I know the answer will be to do whatever I want. I am an introvert trying to run a service-based business online. It feels like I have to keep showing up no matter how many horrible things people say to me in the comments or in my dm’s. That shit gets exhausting.

What about Barbie?

I have ALWAYS been a Barbie girl. Growing up, I had way too many Barbies and way too many Barbie accessories, and I played Barbies until I was in middle school. By the way, my Barbie was always the breadwinner, and her partner, Ken, was much more of a sidekick. When I became a barre teacher, I started referring to myself as a Barre-bie all the time. It did not really cross my mind that I wasn’t allowed to be a Barbie because of the way I looked. Even as an adult, I was under the illusion that we could all be Barbie. Barbie is just… a state of mind?

My Final Thoughts

As I wade through the whole online hustle and the tug-of-war with societal norms, there's this persistent and comforting image in my head of a lush garden, some chickens, and cats (naturally)! The struggle between getting regular degular 9-5 gig and keeping up with the demands of an online service business makes me question how to stay true to myself and my mission.

One thing that keeps me going is remembering that like Barbie, I can always reinvent myself. I don’t see myself become a doctor, chef, and a veterinarian in the next few years but honestly, stranger things have happened. I am proud to be where I am and I am excited to see where this is going. Thanks for being here for it.